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Barzellette : in lingua inglese barzellette > in lingua inglese

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directions

pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally, Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment. "i got a wife and three kids and I'd love to have you visit us." "Great. Where do you live?" "Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I'll let you in." "Good. But tell me... what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow?" "Surely, you're not coming empty-handed."

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The Female Eunuch Is it too much to ask that women be spared the daily struggle for superhuman beauty in order to offer it to the caresses of a subhumanly ugly mate?

Germaine Greer

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lifestyle

a woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "i couldn't help noticing how happy you look, " she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "i smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, " he said. "i also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing, " the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six, " he said.

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Kisses in the dark

There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there. The Englishman was thinking: "The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead." Claudia Schiffer was thinking: "The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it." And the Irishman was thinking: "This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that English ass again."

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Talking dog

a man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here." "You don't understand, " says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk." "Listen, pal, " says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks." The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?" "Roof!" "Right, and what's on the outside of a tree?" "Bark!" "And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" "i guess you've heard enough, " says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties." The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal, " he says, "get out of here before i belt you." As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think i should have said 'Dimaggio'?"

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